The Empty Side of Success

At the start of this year I set myself a few goals. Goals to change the look and feel of my life. Live in the city, have a scooter, grow long hair, have a good job. 
Two days ago I read some Tony Robbins and decided to fundamentally change my goals. As is typical of him, he advocated thinking about how we want to feel rather than what we want. There’s a wisdom to this because how we want to feel is a more stable and internal thing to aim for. I feel fundamentally different already. 
Then yesterday I ticked the last thing off my list of goals: get a scooter. This has put me in a position that I’ve never really been in: having nothing glaringly missing from my life. On queue though I started to fixate on completely new things I’ve never worried about before. Mostly looks. I was always generally happy with how I looked but now it seems like a crippling issue to have imperfections like mine, despite evidence the contrary,. 
If I take a step back this has taught me something important about human nature. We always focus on the greatest threats and opportunities in our life. When they become neutralised we fixate on the next one. Or perhaps a generalised malaise sets in. 
It’s funny how Tony Robbin’s philosophy also says that happiness is progress. At this moment I’m not sure what would make me happy. All I really want is better genes and it’s unlike me to say that. 
I truly believe that during Trump’s presidency there will be a filtering down of his personality to societal culture. Just like Obamas leadership led to insane levels of political correctness, I believe that Trump’s has led to an unhealthy obsessive compulsiveness or perfectionism. I’ve felt a judgement towards others deep inside that I’ve never felt before, and I can see other people feel it too. 
Part of me knows that meditation is the only real solution. I don’t yet see much point in giving or service. 
You may say “Tom what are you on about, you’re not particularly successful, why are you going on like a disillusioned billionaire or something”. You would be right to say that. The only response I can think of is that any improvement would be a matter of degree not nature. It would simply be amplifying the same feelings would it not? 
“Start a family Tom, that’s what’s missing”. I’ve never had any interest in doing that and I’m tentative of doing it just to mend a hole in my soul. That’s a recipe for an unhappy late life in my opinion, it should be done positively as an expression of love. It’s true that lately I’ve been having more options – but my stock is only going to go up isn’t it? Assuming I get out of this personal crisis anyway (would you call this existential?). 
I still have goals, including the important one of mastering something. So it’s not like I lack direction or anything. It just now feels like they won’t fulfill me, only provide marginal benefits. 
When you do the Tony Robbins thing and shift the focus of your goals to your own emotional reality pertaining to different areas of your life, you produce a list of sentiments like “I want to feel more grounded”. This can all basically be simplified to “I want to be happy”. I never understood why people made that their one and only thing to aim for but I do now. 
Searching for happiness has the benefit of being a singular goal, there’s even books about it, a science to it. I think it’s a noble question once you’ve sorted out some practical things but in a sense it’s self-defeating by it’s very nature because it aligns all the stars in your soul towards a concept.

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